Emotional Affairs
Some people think emotional affairs can't be considered as cheating and then others would say it would be worse than the physical affair. While both would be devastating (and something I would never forgive my husband for), I think the emotional affair would be worse. I don't have personal experience to base this on with my husband (and I hope my husband never gives me that kind of personal experience because then I'd have to dump his ass) but if my husband felt that emotional connection with another woman, it would cut very, very deep.
How do you know what an emotional affair is? Yahoo Personals has this to say about it:
- 82% of affairs are with someone who was "just a friend".
They give a list of things they believe is an emotional affair and let you know if you've crossed that line. Some of them are:
- Are you checking yourself out in the mirror more or taking extra time with your clothes before you are supposed to see them?
- Are you telling him or her more about your day than you do your partner?
- Does talking to your partner about this person makes you uncomfortable? If you begin to cover up your relationship, better watch yourself.
- Is there increasing sexual tension between you?
How do you know when you are going to cross the line into a physical relationship and you better step back if you don't want to ruin your current relationship:
- When you turn to this person for support rather than a trusted friend or your partner.
- Sensual or suggestive talk (in person, via email, texting, phone).
- When you find yourself putting yourself into situations where you can be alone with them.
If this is you, or you see your partner in this position with another party, and you want to save your relationship, it's time to take steps to fix things.
Unless we are talking about a serial cheater, who are just slugs, I believe cheating is the symptom of a problem in the relationship and not THE problem. Unless you are a serial cheater, people don't just randomly set out to hurt themselves, their partners, or any other people involved. There is a reason they are going outside the relationship to have a need or needs met (I'm not saying it's right but it's reality for many people) so if you want to save the relationship, better find out what problem (or problems) lie between you and fix it.
My way of fixing a "cheating" problem would be to dump his ass but that's not for everybody. I'm just not capable of that level of forgiveness. If my husband felt there was a problem between us and he didn't talk to me about it before cheating, it'd be too late for me.
3 comments:
I have been affected by an emotional affair, and it was pure hell. To be honest, any extramarital affair can be devastating, but the fact that my H of 30+ years was weak enough to justify having an emotional affair with one of his co-workers just about killed me. I really wanted to kill him too. After more than three years since I discovered the affair, and getting bits and pieces of what transpired during those three years, (the affair lasted maybe nine or more months) I decided that he had invested too much time and attention to the **** and told him I didn't want him any more. OH, the begging and pleading and crying on his part. I reluctantly relented, he has been bending over backwards to prove his trustworthiness and "love" but I will not forgive him, nor will I ever feel the same about him. I am even afraid to trust him again, although he swears he will never give me reason to distrust him again.
I could deal with an alcoholic husband, or one who had a drunken one-night stand better than I could deal with knowing some ****thought another woman's husband was so enamoured with her.
I have threatened to do what most people would not advise--have an affair of my own--to "level the playing field." I probably won't but the hurt and pain and feeling of rejection will make a person temporarily take desperate measures to ease the pain.
I sometimes wonder if any one has been hurt enough to leave a man who had an emotional affair--God knows I'm just going through the motions now, because he doesn't want to leave me. I could care less about the number of years we have been together;it sure as hell didn't matter when he was fooling around behind my back!
I think I could - leave if my husband had an emotional affair. I take that back...I wouldn't leave; I'd kick HIM out. Once my trust is broken like that, I don't see it ever working again.
I'm sorry you went thru it. After 30 years, to risk your marriage was stupid of him. Do you think counseling would help?
We are now going to a marriage counselor. After mustering the courage to ask him if he and the s*** had sex, he confessed that "he did something inappropriate" with her. I was too despondent to ask him to explain what he meant;I can only guess. That's when I decided to leave him if he wouldn't leave.
He doesn't want to lose me, so I told him a visit to the marriage counselor is the last straw if he really wants to stay married to me.
For someone like him to agree to another person learning about our private problems is a huge step for him. I think he knows now the extent of the damage he has done and realizes how everything he holds dear(adult children, grandchildren,respect of the community) would be destroyed if his "dirty laundry" were made public.
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