Marital Pet Peeves

My husband has been scouring music stores in the search of "the" guitar.  He bought one yesterday.  Of course, it's the third one he has bought since June so I won't believe this is "the" guitar until he's owned it more than six months.  Usually he buys, then sells it.  Then buys another, then sells it.

I guess everybody has one thing that their spouses will do that drives them nuts.  This is my thing.

He's a great husband though so I try to just ignore it all - mostly ignore it all. Sometimes, it just gets too irritating...but I try.  Really.  Mostly. This is my marital pet peeve.

What's your marriage pet peeve?

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How to feel respect when all you think is STUPID

This Friday is the big day.  The day hubby is going to go 30+ hours without sleep so he can see his daughter in another state play for about ten minutes in her marching band, driving nine hours - on no sleep - driving home really late at night - on no sleep.  I'm thinking he'll get home around 4 a.m. or so.  Yeah, that's real smart.

Dad didn't even go to our teenager's marching band performance a week ago and he lives here because of his sleep/work schedule.  If our daughter realizes dad is going to watch her sister in another state but didn't adjust his sleep schedule by only two hours to see her performance, she's going to be hurt.  A little emotional blackmail from an almost 18 year old girl works on dad apparently and that whole sleep/work thing doesn't matter any longer.  If he kills himself, or somebody else on the road, in the process, then what the heck are his six kids going to do?


My husband told me yesterday that I am even turning away from him in my sleep.  What does that tell you about my anger level about this trip when my subconscious doesn't want anything to do with him either?  This trip is an accident waiting to happen, a financial strain not only for the money needed for the trip but he's losing overtime he's supposed to work (on top of the money he just spent on my birthday which I told him NOT to and he didn't listen - hoping to butter me up a bit?), and it is giving into a "child's" blackmail. 

Mommy Dearest (the ex) should be so proud of herself. She's trained her daughter well.

Then my husband asked me yesterday if I think my weight gain is stress related.  Gee, ya think I'm feeling stress right now?  It's definitely stress and it is definitely thyroid.  A lot of the stress is from his actions, or lack thereof.

I can't respect his choice here.  Not only is it stupid and dangerous, he went against everything we agreed upon before I would agree to marry him - that we would discuss decisions that affect our family together when it concerned his kids and his ex.  If somebody else was running the show, I wanted no part in it and I made that very clear before I accepted his marriage proposal.  Apparently, his daughter runs things now.  He certainly didn't talk to me about this before he made his decision.  He knows how I feel about it.  I hope he can live with the consequences because he's shredding my respect and trust.  If he gets himself hurt or killed, our four young kids are going to be devastated.  I can't speak for his two older kids because they don't give him the time of day ever - can't even be bothered to send him a text on Father's Day, or call, or visit.  I'm not even sure why the emotional blackmail to get dad to this thing on Friday.  The ex did say she'd save a seat.  Isn't that sweet of her?

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Ups & Downs of Marriage

There are ups and down in every marriage.  For the last couple of weeks, we've been on a huge downer.  There has been a lot of tension lately over his decision to drive nine hours next weekend to watch his almost 18-year-old daughter play about ten minutes of marching band material (the same daughter who doesn't give him the time of day at any time and purposely over schedules for anything she can so she doesn't have to visit her dad to make her momma happy, even ignoring him on Father's Day without even a phone call or text).  He'll spend gas money and his expenses for this trip when our kids need winter coats and jeans for school.

He said his daughter doesn't want to be a part of our family.  So why the trip when it is going to strain us financially? 

He told his daughter he had to work that weekend but she won't forgive him if he doesn't go so the emotional blackmail wins out over our own agreement between man/wife to discuss anything that affects our family, like this does before making decisions.  Even after telling him we couldn't meet our bills this month if he went, he's still going. 

He missed our own daughter's marching band performance last week because of his work schedule and that was in the same darn town as us and yet he's going to refuse needed and rare overtime and drive nine hours for a ten minute performance. 

To say I am upset is putting it mildly.  There's a very angry part of me that wants to tell him to go and not come back.  The fact that he doesn't talk to his daughter when she blows him off, blows her siblings off, really bothers me and this emotional manipulation on her part just heaped on resentment towards hubby for allowing it.  She is old enough to know better and as her father, he has a responsibility to be dad and talk to her about her hurtful behavior.

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Engagement Rings as Family Heirlooms

Oh my gosh! I have never seen a hand engraved engagement ring before but I just saw some online when I was doing a search for engagement rings orange county. These are the kind of rings that become definitely become family heirlooms! I thought the price would be beyond affordable but they're not. It's about the average price paid I think.

I love the idea of passing my wedding set down to a daughter to wear. The problem is how do you do that when you have more than one? I have several nice pieces so I can divvy it all up somehow but the wedding set is the most important one. I don't want my kids to think it is playing favorites.

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When Guys Get in Trouble

I just found this VERY funny site that explains to men what jewelry to buy and when - engagement rings, earrings, 'I'm sorry' jewelry, anniversaries, birthdays, engagements, baby's birth, etc. Men need to know this stuff! It's a one-stop advice and shopping haven for men. It had me laughing several times!

My man is usually really good (I say "usually" because he had one bad jewelry choice early on in our relationship) at buying jewelry but I know a lot of guys get that glazed look in their eyes when it is brought up. Men just don't have any idea what kind of jewelry to give or when to give it. They don't want to give something that means more than it should (don't want a woman to get confused over a ring you thought she'd like versus a ring she thinks is an engagement ring when it's not...boy would that be uncomfortable to talk your way out of!). They also don't want to give a piece of jewelry that doesn't mean enough.

I'll give you an example of great gift-giving. After the birth of each of our kids, on the Mother's Day that followed the birth, my husband bought me a ring that had the baby's birthstone in it. It was a very sweet, sensitive gesture. Not only do I have many good pieces of jewelry to choose from now (in many colors), but the jewelry means the world to me to have and wear. It will be something I can pass down to my kids down the road. I would definitely recommend this for dads to do as a gift for mom after the birth of their child or for the Mother's Day immediately following the birth! It'll be THE most appreciated gift, besides your newborn, of course.

Another example of gift-giving, that didn't go that well, was in the beginning of our relationship, when my husband and I had only been dating a very short time. He bought me an expensive gold necklace for Valentine's Day. I thanked him and acted pleased but internally, it freaked me out a bit. It was a serious gift at that early point in our relationship and it made me nervous (I know, usually it's the guy that gets a case of the nerves). A pair of earrings would've been better (and the web site, Bella True, in the "Tips for Guys" section confirms my feelings.) It was too serious, too fast, and I stopped dating him for a couple months shortly after that. OK, I ran - fast. I admit it.

The web site not only has pretty jewelry, but useful advice for the guy who is unsure what he should do and when he should do it and it gives us women a chance to laugh out loud because we can see our guy, or past boyfriends, in these predicaments.

You seriously need to bookmark the Tips for Guys page at Bella True and forward the link onto the boyfriends, husbands, brothers, uncles, etc. They need a little direction!

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Congrats to My Little Brother

My little brother surprised me a couple weeks ago and married his girlfriend. Many of us were all expecting a wedding next year. He pulled a "me" and had a quickie ceremony in front of the judge in a civil ceremony instead. It's what my husband and I did when we were in the middle of a court fight with his ex, no extra funds for a wedding, and we just wanted to be married without all the family hassles involved.

Everybody has met his new wife, except me. I'm hoping to meet her the next time we head to their state for vacation. Everybody talks highly of her and my little brother (who towers over me by the way) is a good guy so I'm sure she's great.

I did see a picture of them afterwards but you know what? I didn't notice if they were both wearing rings and what kind! I should have looked. I can't believe I didn't. My only excuse is that my kids are running me ragged this summer. I've been so busy that I haven't had time to think of much of anything except where which kid has to be next.

There are so many choices now for wedding bands available. It's not just gold or silver anymore. I really like the palladium rings. I think my husband would too (and we always planned to update his wedding band eventually because his band just isn't very comfortable).

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Renew Marriage Vows

Our fifteen year anniversary is only a little over a year away and I want to get my husband a new wedding band. So, I am going to start looking at mens rings.

A couple years ago, he bought me a new band that had celtic design work on it for when we renew our vows. When we married, we married in front of a judge. We were in the middle of a court battle with his ex so we didn't have the money or the time to plan anything else. For our renewal, we want to do a type of handfasting renewal ceremony. I would love to do it in the woods of the Smoky Mountains but that might be out of reach for us. For now, I have to find him the perfect ring.

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Emotional Affairs

Some people think emotional affairs can't be considered as cheating and then others would say it would be worse than the physical affair. While both would be devastating (and something I would never forgive my husband for), I think the emotional affair would be worse. I don't have personal experience to base this on with my husband (and I hope my husband never gives me that kind of personal experience because then I'd have to dump his ass) but if my husband felt that emotional connection with another woman, it would cut very, very deep.

How do you know what an emotional affair is? Yahoo Personals has this to say about it:

• 82% of affairs are with someone who was "just a friend".

They give a list of things they believe is an emotional affair and let you know if you've crossed that line. Some of them are:

• Are you checking yourself out in the mirror more or taking extra time with your clothes before you are supposed to see them?
• Are you telling him or her more about your day than you do your partner?
• Does talking to your partner about this person makes you uncomfortable? If you begin to cover up your relationship, better watch yourself.
• Is there increasing sexual tension between you?

How do you know when you are going to cross the line into a physical relationship and you better step back if you don't want to ruin your current relationship:

• When you turn to this person for support rather than a trusted friend or your partner.
• Sensual or suggestive talk (in person, via email, texting, phone).
• When you find yourself putting yourself into situations where you can be alone with them.

If this is you, or you see your partner in this position with another party, and you want to save your relationship, it's time to take steps to fix things.

Unless we are talking about a serial cheater, who are just slugs, I believe cheating is the symptom of a problem in the relationship and not THE problem. Unless you are a serial cheater, people don't just randomly set out to hurt themselves, their partners, or any other people involved. There is a reason they are going outside the relationship to have a need or needs met (I'm not saying it's right but it's reality for many people) so if you want to save the relationship, better find out what problem (or problems) lie between you and fix it.

My way of fixing a "cheating" problem would be to dump his ass but that's not for everybody. I'm just not capable of that level of forgiveness. If my husband felt there was a problem between us and he didn't talk to me about it before cheating, it'd be too late for me.

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Hubby Never Listens To Me

...and I am usually right 95% of the time!!!


We have a mouse in our house. It's been here for four days now that we know of. I went out and bought some traps and DH set them up where he saw him (in our living room). Well, he hasn't seen the mouse the last two nights so I said to him last night, "It's probably back in the kids' rooms". Oh no, it wouldn't have gone in there he says. Why the hell not (I am thinking)? I didn't say anything. Testosterone knows all.


I just went into my daughter's room to get her purple pants ('cause she wanted purple, lol) and what do I see? The dang mouse scurrying under a bed! I almost had to grab a pair of pants for myself because I almost wet myself!


Do I have "STUPID" tattooed across my forehead? Nope, not me. Didn't I say this was where the mouse went? Yup. Did he listen? Nope.

This happens with so many things...usually house related (he's not Bob Vila, or even Tim the Tool-Man Taylor so I don't know why he thinks I could never be right when I usually am). You'd think after a few times of being wrong, he'd listen to me once in awhile.

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Emotional Cheating - is it REALLY cheating?

Is cheating defined as when your partner looks elsewhere to fulfill his or her physical needs? What about if there is no sexual cheating? What if your significant other is sharing intimate details about his or her life with another person that he or she isn't sharing with you? What if he or she has an emotional, intimate connection with another person? Is that cheating too?

For me, the answer is YES. Most definitely, without a doubt, that is a betrayal on an entirely different level that in many ways would hurt more than physical cheating. Don't get me wrong - I wouldn't be able to stay with my husband if he physically cheated on me either. I am not wired that way to forgive, work it out, etc. It's too deep of a betrayal to me. However, connecting with a woman on an emotional level that we should be sharing would be a huge loss in itself and again, not something I could work out or accept in my marriage.

If my husband were spending time with another woman, confiding private information to another woman about his life - his wants, his needs, his problems, his marriage - things he should be discussing with and confiding in me about but chose to confide in another woman instead, then that would be cheating to me. He wouldn't have to take off one article of clothing. It'd be cheating in my eyes.

What about you?

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I Love Being Married

I love being married to my hubby.

That's all I have to say so I don't gross out everybody with mushy details and stuff, lol.

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