Gushing Blood

Last week, I sliced my finger open on a serrated steak knife.  Watching the blood gush sent my oldest daughter off yelping (hm, I should've been the one yelping since I was the one gushing blood).  She had previously talked at one point about becoming a nurse.  I'm not sure if this is a sign she won't be needing to buy any Cherokee scrubs to wear as a nurse or if it is just her age (she is only 14).  Perhaps I shouldn't have squeezed it to make it gush harder to make her squeal.  Bad mom.

Oh yeah - my finger has healed and my daughter forgot about it.  She has had homecoming on the mind and a certain boy at the forefront since she spent an hour dancing with him at homecoming this past weekend.

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Family Time

Spending time together as a family is important and my husband's work schedule makes that difficult at times.  So, when we are all able to be together and we can't get outside for volleyball or soccer, we play guitars inside or have family movie night.  I need to find more seating though because the dogs try to hog the couches, not leaving much room for the rest of us.  The kids try to cram together on the couch but usually end up on the floor when dogs try to take over their laps.  You should see a shepard try to squeeze herself into a tiny ball next to you on the couch!  What we need is home theater seating for the four kids and then a long couch for the dogs to climb up so it is truly a huge family movie night. The dogs are part of the family too!

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Did You Forget Grandparents Day?

Did you remember that Grandparents Day was this past Sunday? We did (well, I did). I hope you remembered to do something nice for the grandparents of your children (buy a nice gift like Yellow gold diamond necklaces, perhaps a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, a phone call). Perhaps you just dropped all your kids off at their grandparents house so they could spend the day together (giving you the day off). That sounds like a great gift to me!

Did you forget that Grandparents Day even exists? I know a lot of people aren't even aware of it but if you need to score points with the in-laws, it's worth it to keep it on your calendar.

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Missing An Old Friend

Tomorrow would have been the birthday of an old friend who was a former coworker and boss, and a man who was like a father to me. He passed away several years ago in a car accident when a semi hit him. The accident wasn't his fault. I was angry for a long time over his passing, over him being taken and shed a lot of tears. I regretted not accepting his job offer after he left the company we both worked for. I missed out on a lot of time with him that I would have had if I had not turned it down.

Anger, regret, despair, sadness - stages of grief I guess. I wonder, though, if you ever get past sadness, past missing a special loved one. It doesn't seem like it.

He was a great boss. He was fun, always making me laugh with jokes and teasing. He was fair. He helped me out personally when I was struggling; he looked out for me. On maternity leave, I went in to show off my baby and ended up needing to change her (which I did on his desk). An executive with a huge company and I'm using his desk as a changing table!

The last time I saw him, he'd called to take me out to lunch. When we parted in the parking lot after lunch, he kissed my cheek good-bye.

I remember the day my firstborn was born, he called me at the hospital first thing that morning. I picked up the phone and said, "Hello." He said, "Hi. This is dad."

I miss him.

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Missing The Way Things Used To Be

I've been on Facebook a lot the last couple of months. I never liked Facebook before but then I found some old high school friends and started chatting with them. Most recently, I've found cousins from my mother's side that I haven't seen in years! That's been nice. It's also made me a bit sad.

When we were younger, the families were close and had a lot of fun spending time together. They were hilarious - the jokes and the laughs that sounded like cackling hens. Swimming in the pond, riding around on a little motor bike, cook outs, climbing up the hay stacks, my favorite cow, Elsie. My aunt used to give me pickles she canned herself because she knew they were my favorite. My cousins were older and I thought my male cousins were quite cute. As a shy little girl, it was a lot of fun to be around my teasing older cousins (they're still darn cute now, believe me, lol). Once I was an adult, I had my own relationship with my aunt. I would call her; she was great to talk to.

Then some stuff came to light about things that happened before we were even born and it tore the siblings (the parents of all of us cousins) apart and never again was that closeness to be found between them. I doubt they will ever get that relationship back and I can understand why. However, I am not sure that bringing things to light that happened so long ago was a good idea now. At the time, I felt like sides were drawn and in doing so, lost the relationship with my aunt and cousins. I am also not sure that the kids should have been told about any of this information because, naturally, loyalty would come into play even though we (at least me) were only told the bare minimum...no details. Just enough to let us know "what" but not "when" or "how" or anything else. What good did bringing it to light do? Did it help?

Some of my siblings and cousins managed to leave their parents' conflict out of the relationship and maintain a close relationship. They didn't allow the conflict to affect their relationship. They still see each other and seem to be friends as well as cousins. Maybe it was because they were closer in age so it was more natural. I don't know.

I do know that I miss my cousins. I miss my aunt. She is getting up there in age and it makes me sad thinking about all the time that has been lost. "Seeing" them on Facebook has been great, but it's made me a little sad the last couple weeks too.

You can't go back to the way things were (and I would never want to repeat my childhood) but these were good memories and I guess when you don't have a lot of good childhood memories, the ones you do have mean more to you.

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Kids Ice Skate In Shaving Cream...What Fun!

That's enough of politics. My youngest had an "ice skating" school event today...they "skated" with bare feet in shaving cream. Much happier topic than the state of our country, economics, and politicians. Here she is having a great time.

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Halloween Pictures

My monkeys for Halloween:

All of Them Together

Double Trouble (she liked the half angel/half devil angle...hope that isn't what her teenage years will be like)

Cleopatra (she refused the black wig, lol)

Barbie (her skirt had fiber optics in it that would light up when she'd press the button at her waist...she loved it).

Punk Rocker - Anarchy Dude! Rock on! Can't see the blue in his hair:(

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Parental Alienation Syndrome

Have you ever heard of it? My simple definition of it is when one parent knowingly or unknowingly interferes in a child's relationship with their other parent, to different degrees, to the detriment of their own child or children.

Here are some links:

Parental Alienation
PAS Conference Transcript

If you have personal experience with this, you are not alone!!

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Our New Year's Eve Celebration with Kids

Well, it started out big. My husband came home with Tequila, a bottle of red wine, and a bottle of Desorona. Everybody has seen the commercial about Desorona right? The woman with the ice cube, Desorona on the rocks, glances between the woman and bartender? So my husband comes home with THAT yesterday. It came in a kit too - two shot glasses and two rock glasses. They were were really cool glasses too. For our kids, we got what they call "kid wine" - grape juice with a bit of fizz. We make these rolled up tacos for dinner for everybody. They weren't bad surprisingly. Hubby and I have a drink (mine being REAL small since I don't generally drink). We pop in Santa Clause 3 (yes, we're a few days late but it's still a good movie) for the kids to watch while we make cookies. The cookies turned out perfect with the chocolate real creamy.

After the movie, the family plays 'Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader'. It turns out my 5th grader IS as smart as a 5th grader (guess her education is on target, lol). She wins that game. She even went one further and answered two million dollar questions and answered them both right. I got out on my second 4th grade question (something about poems). Dad, well, he didn't do that great. He got out at 1st grade on an oceans question. Some of those questions are hard! I don't remember learning some of that stuff back when I was in school...you know, before they had automobiles and you had to walk to school five miles while barefoot, up and down hills and through a foot of snow.

So, the game is over. Dad and I have another drink. Well, I have half a drink while hubby has another...on very little sleep. We take out snacks - chips, tortilla and salsa, cheese, meats, crackers. Everybody snacks for a bit until our two year old starts making a mess of the mustard so we put it all away. We'll take it out again later.

We make plans to take out some flashing stage lights (back from my husband's band days) later after it is good and dark so the kids can have fun dancing to bring in the New Year. My husband decides he is going to take a little nap. He's out in no time so I send the kids to play elsewhere for a little while so dad can get a little sleep so he can get up in a couple hours to finish celebrating with us. No dice. Dad does get up a little while later but it is just to go to bed, lol. He SAYS he is going to get up before midnight but we'll see.

So, dad goes to bed. Our two-year-old conks on the couch fast asleep. Next, our six-year-old drops off to sleep on the other couch. Two kids down, two to go. I get out the snacks for the remaining kids for a little bit and they watch Spongebob. My oldest falls asleep for a few minutes but then she's up. Yeah. I think she's going to make it.

At about 11:45 p.m., I go down to wake dad up. He's not getting up, says he is too tired. He has been going between 1st and 3rd shift this past week and his body clock is all messed up. I go back upstairs a bit disappointed. We've never missed that kiss for New Year's before. I'm thinking about making myself a margarita. I decide not to. I'm not much of a drinker so I grab some water instead.

So, my two oldest kids and I were up to meet the New Year together this year with two little ones fast asleep on the couches with us and dad downstairs dead to the world. We do our "yeah's" and kisses/hugs and stay up for about another hour together, watching the musicians on Dick Clark's annual new year show. My daughter is drooling over Jonas Brothers. We make a phone call to Aunt Sonja and Aunt Lori to wish them a Happy New Year. They sound like they've been having one helluva celebration earlier that evening. We talked for a bit and then it was time to tuck all our monkeys into bed.

It was the first time my son ever made it awake to greet the New Year. He was quite happy. The kids had a really good time celebrating with us. They want to do it again tonight but I'm not up to it. Next year. Maybe next year, we'll get a third child to stay awake to meet the New Year with us. Staying home with my kids and husband, celebrating together, is much more appealing to me than finding a sitter and leaving them at home to go out and deal with a bunch of drunken fools at a club or on the road. Yes, next year I think we'll stay home again. We had a good time.

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I'm Up For Adoption

I’m Up for Adoption


Some aspects of the holidays stink. Family squabbles seem to multiply and god forbid (or goddess forbid) a new crisis happens around the holidays to heap on top of the old squabbles. We're staying home for the holidays and I have to admit that I am happy about that.

So, I've decided I am up for adoption. I am going to write Santa with my wish list. Here it is:

Dear Santa,

I would like two parents who get along.

I would like a family who doesn't play favorites.

I would like a family that isn't mental.

I would like a family that doesn't live in drama mode 90% of the time.

I would like a family that I look forward to going home to for the holidays.

I would like a family where everybody gets along 90% of the time.

I would like a family that is close-knit.

That's my wish list, Santa, for the holidays. If you know of a family who doesn't have a screw loose, let me know. If they want to pay my credit cards off while they're at it, that'd be great. I'd appreciate it.

Oh yeah, while you're at it, I'd like 20 partially wooded acres out in the country with a large, older (but updated) farmhouse big enough for all of us with room to grow and my bills paid for the next year, please. Have you noticed the price of gas and milk lately?

Oh yeah again - don't be disappointed when my oldest doesn't believe in you next xmas. She's tottering this year on figuring it all out (with tears I might add) so I think this is your last year for her. I think we're going to be able to squeak her through this last year of believing in you, Santa. We have three more who believe though so don't worry. You'll still have cookies left out for you for at least 6-8 more years, if the dogs don't get them first.

If you'd rather have hot cocoa, or maybe a shot of tequila to warm you up, waiting for you instead of sour milk, just let me know.

Thanks Santa!!

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The Definition of Family

What is family? Is family the group of people you are born into, sharing a parent somewhere in there, an uncle, a sibling, a grandparent? Is family who you are raised with as a child no matter how good or bad that childhood was? Alternatively, is it the people you choose to surround yourself with, whether they are blood related or not, that are there for you?

I am coming to the realization that blood has little to do with it. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your blood relatives. If you're lucky, you are surrounded by supportive, loving people who are there for you. If you're lucky, they are blood relatives. If some of those blood or marital ties are toxic, hopefully you are lucky enough to find support somewhere else and call them family.

With the end of the year coming, I find myself wanting to clear out everything and everybody toxic. Liars - gone. Users - gone. Unsupportive people - gone. Two-faced idiots - gone. Anybody in my life that is less than honest, less than supportive, less than what "family" should be - gone. These past few months found me at the limit to what I could tolerate. I don't like to see my family hurt because of somebody else's gross insecurities or selfishness. It hurts me and it pisses me off to see them hurt. I also find myself not caring if those toxic people are blood relatives or others in my life that have caused hurt without a care as to the pain they have caused. I hate seeing people close to me hurt even if it is unintentional, which hasn't all been the case unfortunately. Intentional harm is the worst and most unforgiveable. It'd be nice to live a life without drama, without lies and toxic behavior.

These have been some painful realizations I have had to come to terms with this past year. I've watched people very close to me, innocents, hurt unnecessarily because of other people's selfishness. Whatever your definition of family - whether you believe it is the family you are blood tied to, the family you marry into, or the unrelated "family" you choose to surround yourself with, this is how I feel. I have no tolerance left for toxic people and/or toxic relationships anymore. Anybody who has less than good intentions for me and mine, I have no respect for. Period.

I see some people who are able to tolerate it, swallow their hurt and pretend everything is ok though inside it is not and the relationship does suffer even if they pretend on the outside all is well. The same problems exist but you pretend they don't. I've tried that; it doesn't work for me. The hurt compounds over time as they heap more salt into the open wound. I am not one of those people to accept that though I've tried to - sometimes with my mouth shut but usually not. Everybody that knows me well knows I speak up when I see something or somebody hurt unfairly and if it one of my own hurt, "it" will hit the fan and it won't be pretty. If people don't like that about me - too bad. It is who I am, and people who have a problem with that are welcome to move on elsewhere.

I'm not sure if this realization has come with age but I kind of don't think so. I've always had a low tolerance level for stupidity and for people who unfairly hurt the people that I love, especially my kids and husband. When that happens, watch out!

Well, I'm tired of it. My New Year's wish this year is that everything toxic and anybody with less than pure, loving good intentions leave me and mine the heck alone. I'm tired of drama. I'm tired of lies. I'm tired of selfish insecurities. I may have had little choice on who is "family" outside my immediate home, but that doesn't mean I have to just accept it and invite it into my life now or ever. It isn't my responsibility to swallow my feelings to keep the peace due to somebody else's issues. Those feelings eat me up inside and for what? To pretend to have some semblance of a relationship with somebody you don't respect, like, or care for to keep the peace?

My definition of family is changing. It's time to clean house for the coming New Year! To me, family may be blood-related or they may not. To me, family may be people outside of blood ties that are in my life and offer the support and love that doesn't come from "blood". Blood is not always thicker than water. Harsh realization to finally accept but it's like a load off to finally do so.

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