Children’s Grades
Assuming the child understands the school work and is just choosing to not do his or her best to work to his or her potential, at what age does a parent stop being responsible for their child's bad grades? At what age does it stop being a parent's responsibility to look over the homework and make sure it is done to the child's best potential?
In my eyes, it is my responsibility to parent that kid and that means having certain expectations that I expect the child/ren to meet (or face consequences for) to the best of their ability (that isn't to say that if they don't understand and get a D, that's different but if they KNOW the work and choose NOT to do well, that's the issue here). I'm the parent. It is my responsibility to check over homework to ensure it is done. If it isn't done right, it is my responsibility to ensure it is. If they don't understand the schoolwork, it is up to me to help them understand to the best of my ability and encourage them to seek help from their teachers. I've lost count of how many "mom, I need help" or "dad, I need help" or just a cry of "I don't get this" we hear in the evenings but at least one of us is available to help them at all times. I'd rather they ask than give up, shut the book, and take the bad grade. If they choose not to do the homework right when they knew the work, it is my responsibility to give consequences until they do. If I see the child CHOOSING not to work to his or her potential, then it is my responsibility as a parent to step in and ensure the work is done correctly or implement consequences. I know you have to pick your battles, blah, blah, blah but a child's education is one of THE battles worth fighting for. My children's education is not negotiable. It'd be lazy parenting otherwise.
The schools nowadays have online grade systems where you can check your child's grades at any time or the kids keep assignment books and keep track of their percentages so they always know what their grade is at any given time. If a parent isn't checking that, and doing something about those bad grades, then shame on them! You should care enough to do more.
I may not be popular with my kid, should I ever have to monitor my kids that closely when it comes to their schoolwork (thankfully they are very conscientious about their homework and grades that it isn't an issue for us here yet), but ya know what? I've made plenty of other unpopular choices in other areas and even if the child didn't agree with it, it was still the right thing to do. Parenting isn't about popularity. Sometimes you have to make the unpopular choice that ticks your kid off. Let them stomp away and wish they could madly text their friend about what a bitch you are (but they can't because you took that cell phone away until the grades came up!) Parenting is about instilling values in your child to ready them to become responsible adults. It is about caring enough to have expectations for your child so they know you care enough and think they are smart enough to meet those expectations. If you don't expect anything of your kids, what a blow to their self esteem that must be to think you don't think they have what it takes to meet any expectations. I wouldn't want my child to think they didn't have any potential. It is about giving them consequences when they misbehave. That means removing video games, cell phones and computers from them if they choose to slack off. That means shutting off the tv. That means no karate until homework is done and done right. That means no running around with friends until homework is done correctly. That means being available for my child in the evenings so that I am there in the event they don't understand something while doing homework. That means temporarily restricting activities until they apply themselves, behave themselves, whatever. That means BEING A PARENT!!
I don't expect all A's from my kids (though I sure do love it when they bring them home, lol). I do expect them to work to the best of their ability when it comes to their education though. If they get a C but did the best they could do, then a C is a good grade. If they get a C because they chose not to do the homework even though they knew the work, then a C is not a good grade.
My point is, you don't do your child any favors by letting them off all the time, by giving excuses for misbehavior, irresponsibility, or disrespect. They'll just grow to be adults who can't take care of themselves, behave irresponsibly, and are disrespectful to bosses, spouses, etc. I want my kids to be able to function well in society as adults.
There are certain responsibilities a parent has when they choose to have a child. I see a lot of parents becoming buddies with their kids or making excuses for their kids bad behavior even when the rest of the world sees the bad behavior for what it is. If you want to be a parent, then BE a parent. What happened to this generation that actually parenting your child is suddenly too strict?
What do I expect from my kids? I expect that they treat each other and others well. I expect respect shown towards both parents. I expect honesty. I expect education to be important and for them to do the best they are capable of doing. I expect help with household chores. I expect a babysitter for a few minutes so I can run and shower, lol.
From this, they will learn honesty, compassion, responsibility and integrity. That doesn't seem like I'm expecting a lot over 18 years. Seems more like parenting to me.
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